MOYA @ Libelle ‘Mothers helping Mothers’ April 2022

Mothers helping mothers

Eline van der Laag (45) is single and has a three-year-old son, Louie, with her gay friend Noud. Singles with a desire to have children can contact her with their questions.

“A few years ago I discovered that my then boyfriend had been having an affair for years. We broke up. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant, but that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was incredibly sad: I was forty and wanted nothing more than a child, but suddenly I was alone again. I did not believe in the fairy tale that I would soon find a new love. Among other things, I registered for an information evening of Meer dan Gewenst, a foundation that is committed to LGBT people who wish to have children, and I spoke extensively with mothers who had met the father of their child through the foundation. That helped me a lot with forming an image. Now women who want children can come to me. The traditional example of our own parents is getting a little outdated, so you have to get it from people who have experienced it. Meer dan Gewenst brings prospective parents into contact with each other, but I first decided to look around in my own circle of friends. I met Noud in 2002; we were in the same band. Once, when we had a few drinks, we said to each other, “If we don’t find a partner, we’ll make a child together.” After reading a book about co-parenting, The Wish and the Fathers, I gave it to him. He soon texted: “I’ve finished it, shall we talk?” We had intense conversations about how we wanted to shape our father and mother roles and drew up a contract. It states when Louie is with whom, but also, for example, that we choose a school together and how we approach the holidays. We signed the text with a family law attorney, who has checked it legally. It is a must to record everything together, in case things go wrong and you can no longer communicate with each other. I am now sending a draft of our contract to women who are curious about it. They can also ask me everything, because: ‘Isn’t it difficult to share a child?’ For me: no. Noud and I chose so consciously for a child and Louie has such a rich life, he gets the best of both worlds; I only see happiness.” meerdangewenst.nl

Dutch magazine Libelle 29 april 2022